She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
