benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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