I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
