I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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