im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize