I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
