he puts the penis in happiness.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Text me some of your sweat
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