A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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