Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
