I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize