I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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