dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
