This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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