just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
