Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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