I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
