I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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