Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
