God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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