just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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