Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
