My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize