It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
