you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
