you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's shark week go big or go home
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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