so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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