God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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