I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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