I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
