Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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