New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
