I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
