he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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