I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm at about main and main street
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
