She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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