I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
