Sry I called you an 8
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
