I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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