dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
