I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
