What a fucking waste of an outfit
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
