Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
