..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
