I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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