Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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