My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
