I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
