My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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