If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
