I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize