someone threw a dead crab at me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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