i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
