we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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