im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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