I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
