You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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