It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
