I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
