Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
