Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
