Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
