I feel great
I just peed on a car
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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