Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
