News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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