Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
