I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
