No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize