We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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