he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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