he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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